Regret no end. I hope u will forgive me.

Hello minna..
Assalamualaikum..

Dunno what to say.. just wanna write something..
Actually right now i remember of him.. Not so deep just a flash, but what i'd done to him is very deep...
Myb due to du'a, i keep praying that he's go away from my mind and yess my wish happened as i requested.. he's just fade n become fade until its not haunted me like a past .

What i did?
Yes, i did bad to him.. and felt so wrong..
Since im still kid at that time, i dunno it's wrong and lead him to get involved with me..
And i never yet to say sorry to him but keep praying forgoting the past!!
Mean i just want to forget about him and run away..
So pathetic am I ? So cruel? So corward right?

Yes, im so corward .
Its shame for me to throwback or talk back about it.
If i face to face with him and talk about it, how awkward it will be.. then no wayy right.. its very muzukashiii. T_T.

Y im not thinking this in the past?
I should du'a for him to be a better person..
Because what im so afraid is, the incident from the past will turn him become a bad person.. oh no im so scared of that.. so that, i decide to forgot him right away.. i dont want to remember at all .
I shouldnt decide like that right?
No, it just not right..

After 20 years or more myb..?
Now im 26..
He? I'm not sure myb 2 years younger than me?
Primary school, secondary school, univesity life and working life.. all these phase i gone through, now he's coming back in my mind-- after a long time..
I never meet him after i moved out from there..
Last i met him is during i was 9 years old .
But within  the time after the incident and the last day before i moved out, we act just like  a buddy where its nothing happened..
But since we grow up and seperated, i remembered about that incident and awareness came to tell me its wrong..

Its very wrong... That i feel i never forgive myself..
So i keep praying since then.. he was always in my du'a to be forgoten. So bad of me right?
He's do nothing wrong, but do to my selfishness, im the bad one..
I wanna say sorry to him very bad..
But still i wish he forgot about it and please dont remember about it ok??- so that i didnt have to meet him tos say sorry.. right?

So is he able to forget since i cant?
I dunno.. high probability he's remember
Then, i hope we didnt meet each other.. im so afraid he become the bad one due to incident in the past..
Because since we grow up, we will understand its wrong.. and teen is the influence stage the we become easily effect by emotion..
Im afraid those emotion u felt, turn u into jerk or bad person..
Damnn! I should du'a  for u so Allah can protect u by prevent u do the bad thing..
Still i dunno what u doing right now, n how r u?
Maybe u become a better person? Who'll knows..

But, after decades i just notice about my wrong content du'a for u..
As ussual im so late huh..
There 're still have a chance to put ur name into my du'a back after along time ago ur name is missing since i forget about u.?
Hmm.. myb i dont want do that because it will make me remember u strongly.. huhu
Ok, just if u flash in my mind, i will keep praying from battom of my here " ya Allah, makes him a better person and hope he will forgive me to my wrongdoing". Amiinn.

Due to shame i felt, i really dont want meet u... please dont appear infront of me.. im can't bare to face u again.. nooo..
Otherwise, if its happen.. its myb destiny..
I still dunno what should i do.. just silent or open up about it?
Just imagine about it, i feel so awkward..


P/s: say sorry when u doing wrong..